i am ok u r ok
SInce ages, people have been fascinated or rather bewildered by the functioning of the human personality. The way a person exhibits various facets of his personality at different points of time is the cause of this inquisitiveness. This study of existence of assorted personality manifestation has been the subject of interest to philosophers and church in the past and to the psychologists and neurologists in the present era. Though a lot of study has been done after the concepts of personality, ego, superego etc were explained by Sigmond Freud and the whole field underwent a revolution thereafter. Even though we are equipped with such huge chunk of knowledge, people are still suffering. they are still confused with why they behave the way they do, why they are sometimes capricious and sometimes too fastidious, why they are sometime too captious and lot more like that.
This is explained by author due to the inability of the researchers to be able to communicate with the general public. The author puts forth a study of Dr Penfield, a neurologist who in his research discovered that human brain has every detail recorded onto the cerebral cortex. This if put under ceratin conditions would be able to reproduce the minutest detail of the whole life. The author also introduces the concept of basic unit of social intercourse. This is put forth in the form of transactional stimulus and transactional response.
The author claims to have found a novel way of psychoanalysis by introducing this language of transactional analysis. It is claimed that this would help people to understand this psychic kant better and would help them to solve their problems.
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The book takes off with the observation that in a certain situation one can see a person change in front of his own eyes. one can see these abrupt changes in almost everyone. The author tells that every person has three states of feelings i.e that of child, parent and an adult. The parent feelings are provided by the parents themselves in the form of do's and dont's . The child unquestionably accepts the parents' messages and records them as such. There are many other things going on with the child which he is not able to comprehend exactly but they are recorded as feelings. These are the child feelings. when the child steps into the world then the adult feelings creeps in which are by the external learning of events. This is when the child starts to relate what his parents told him and what is there in the world actually. In general or rather always a feeling of I AM NOT OK is developed into the child as he is not able to do most of the things, he is clumsy, he is not able to comprehend and he is sometimes scolded and rebuked for doing certain things. In that tender age the child is not able to comprehend the reason of the rebuke but he gets the negative feeling that he is wrong everytime.
************************************************************************************
The author puts forth the transactional analysis' classification of four possible life positions held with respect to oneself and others.
1. I AM NOT OK U ARE OK . This is the most common feeling and it is developed in the tender years. The child starts to write a life script and starts to live by it. One of the script is a wish list saying IF and WHEN I do such and such i shall be OK. Another is the script in which the child tries to provoke others to prove that he is NOT OK. The third one is by writing a counter script saying U CAN BE OK IF.
2. I AM NOT OK U R NOT OK. this feeling is developed when the child grows up a bit.The central theme is We BOTH are NOT OK ...Lets SMASH both of us.
3. I AM OK U ARE NOT OK. This is a criminal attitude that sometimes develop to view everybody except him wrong.
4. I AM OK U ARE OK. This is developed very lately and after a lot of knowledge has been gained and so also the insight. This knowledge helps to heal the past experiences of childhood which have long traumatized the child. This knowledge helps to pose the question before every doubt ."WHY NOT?"
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All problems in life arise out of lack of decision making.
There are two problems to decision making, one is "i always make the wrong decision" and the other "i keep on going over and over again." The first step needed to solve this problem is to be consciously aware of the existence of the P-A-C factor in a person. The parent factor speaks in a deterministic way sticking to the old prejudices and dogmas and at the same time child part foresees fear, anxiety and all those excitement and nervousness which might result in taking some decision. But since the adult is the most mature,being the most equippeed with a knowledge database; hence it is the responsibilty of the adult to oversee the response of the child and the parent. The adult part should try to calm the child down with reasons and question the parent part the reasons of the views held so tightly to his chest. The child demands certainty and adult can provide stroking to the child.
Three things make people want to change.
1. They have had sufficiently, i.e they have suffered so much that they want to change
2. To get free from the boredom of life
3. a sudden discovery of the fact that they can change.
People since ages have been talking about futility of man's actions and saying that whatever a man does is because of some past associated with it. But, what refutes this proposition is the fact that man has been changing through centuries. Man has a quality to have a probabilistic estimate of what could happen in future and act accordingly.
************************************************************************************
The author puts forth the basic premise of transactional analysis that when two persons communicate, the part of one person conversing with the other person's part should form parallel lines.
The idea is to try building a strong adult which could be done by:
1.by learnng to recognize the child in oneself, its fears, its vulnerabilities and its methods to express these feelings.
2. by learning to recognize the parent, its admontions,fixed positions and ways to express those feelings
3. by being sensitive to the child in others and talking to that child, providing stroke as and when necessary and appreciate its need for creative expression.
4. trying to give adult some time to process data, i.e dont jump to conclusions and actions.
5. When in doubt, leave it out
6. Work out a system of values. one cant make decision without an ethical framework.
************************************************************************************
The people in general differ in two ways: in the content of the P-A-C and in their functioning. There are two kinds of functional problems; contamination and exclusion.
The idea is to keep the three parts separate else there is going to be trouble. When they are not separate then it is called the contamination of the adult. If the parent overlaps the adult then the prejudices creep in and when it is overlapped by the child then raw feelings take over. The parent represents fixed notions and dogmas. child represents bare feelings which have to be kept under restrain.
Another problem is exclusion. In this One of the part is blocked out. for eg if the child is blocked out then the person would be without feelings always busy doing his work.
This is "the person who cannot play"
Parent blocked out - The person without conscience
The adult blocked out- The parent and child take over and control.
The author brings to focus the fact that during teh age of initial 2 years, the adult in a child is working out the system of cause and effect. And if at this crucial time if there are overwhelming inconsistencies and contradictions, the child may give up on an intellectual aberration of causality and may regard as to what happens to him as a matter of time rather than as a relation of objects aorund him.
Parents were dull - The constant bore person
************************************************************************************
There are six possible ways in which the people in general structure time and relationships.
withdrawal - thinking of some other event somewhere else
rituals- social thing where many poeple agree to do the same thing
activity- is anything that a person does to keep himself busy like job, making a house etc
pastime - ways of idling away time
Games- a game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well defined, predictable outcome. All games are based on "Mine is better than yours" One of the typical games the author describes is:
A: why dont you?
B: Yes, But.... and the discussion continues until A relents.
The last one as that of 'intimacy' is different from rest of the five in the way that it is based upon the acceptance by the involved people of the position "I am Ok and U are Ok". it rests on Love and other time structuring mechanisms become unnecessary.
Games are nearly always destructive. Withdrawal can be a relaxed form of solitary contemplation. Pastimes can be a pleasant way of idling away time. Rituals can be fun like celebrating Bday parties. Avtivities are necessities and care shuld be taken whether one is into too much of it to get away from other relationships.
************************************************************************************
In further chapters author has analysed the P-C-A in different forms and manifestations like that in a teenager in marriage life. To recapitulate the whole idea, he has proposed to take the adult the charge every time one feels that the child or the parent characterstics are taking over.
This is the best way to diffuse tensions both with in and with out.
This is explained by author due to the inability of the researchers to be able to communicate with the general public. The author puts forth a study of Dr Penfield, a neurologist who in his research discovered that human brain has every detail recorded onto the cerebral cortex. This if put under ceratin conditions would be able to reproduce the minutest detail of the whole life. The author also introduces the concept of basic unit of social intercourse. This is put forth in the form of transactional stimulus and transactional response.
The author claims to have found a novel way of psychoanalysis by introducing this language of transactional analysis. It is claimed that this would help people to understand this psychic kant better and would help them to solve their problems.
************************************************************************************
The book takes off with the observation that in a certain situation one can see a person change in front of his own eyes. one can see these abrupt changes in almost everyone. The author tells that every person has three states of feelings i.e that of child, parent and an adult. The parent feelings are provided by the parents themselves in the form of do's and dont's . The child unquestionably accepts the parents' messages and records them as such. There are many other things going on with the child which he is not able to comprehend exactly but they are recorded as feelings. These are the child feelings. when the child steps into the world then the adult feelings creeps in which are by the external learning of events. This is when the child starts to relate what his parents told him and what is there in the world actually. In general or rather always a feeling of I AM NOT OK is developed into the child as he is not able to do most of the things, he is clumsy, he is not able to comprehend and he is sometimes scolded and rebuked for doing certain things. In that tender age the child is not able to comprehend the reason of the rebuke but he gets the negative feeling that he is wrong everytime.
************************************************************************************
The author puts forth the transactional analysis' classification of four possible life positions held with respect to oneself and others.
1. I AM NOT OK U ARE OK . This is the most common feeling and it is developed in the tender years. The child starts to write a life script and starts to live by it. One of the script is a wish list saying IF and WHEN I do such and such i shall be OK. Another is the script in which the child tries to provoke others to prove that he is NOT OK. The third one is by writing a counter script saying U CAN BE OK IF.
2. I AM NOT OK U R NOT OK. this feeling is developed when the child grows up a bit.The central theme is We BOTH are NOT OK ...Lets SMASH both of us.
3. I AM OK U ARE NOT OK. This is a criminal attitude that sometimes develop to view everybody except him wrong.
4. I AM OK U ARE OK. This is developed very lately and after a lot of knowledge has been gained and so also the insight. This knowledge helps to heal the past experiences of childhood which have long traumatized the child. This knowledge helps to pose the question before every doubt ."WHY NOT?"
************************************************************************************
All problems in life arise out of lack of decision making.
There are two problems to decision making, one is "i always make the wrong decision" and the other "i keep on going over and over again." The first step needed to solve this problem is to be consciously aware of the existence of the P-A-C factor in a person. The parent factor speaks in a deterministic way sticking to the old prejudices and dogmas and at the same time child part foresees fear, anxiety and all those excitement and nervousness which might result in taking some decision. But since the adult is the most mature,being the most equippeed with a knowledge database; hence it is the responsibilty of the adult to oversee the response of the child and the parent. The adult part should try to calm the child down with reasons and question the parent part the reasons of the views held so tightly to his chest. The child demands certainty and adult can provide stroking to the child.
Three things make people want to change.
1. They have had sufficiently, i.e they have suffered so much that they want to change
2. To get free from the boredom of life
3. a sudden discovery of the fact that they can change.
People since ages have been talking about futility of man's actions and saying that whatever a man does is because of some past associated with it. But, what refutes this proposition is the fact that man has been changing through centuries. Man has a quality to have a probabilistic estimate of what could happen in future and act accordingly.
************************************************************************************
The author puts forth the basic premise of transactional analysis that when two persons communicate, the part of one person conversing with the other person's part should form parallel lines.
The idea is to try building a strong adult which could be done by:
1.by learnng to recognize the child in oneself, its fears, its vulnerabilities and its methods to express these feelings.
2. by learning to recognize the parent, its admontions,fixed positions and ways to express those feelings
3. by being sensitive to the child in others and talking to that child, providing stroke as and when necessary and appreciate its need for creative expression.
4. trying to give adult some time to process data, i.e dont jump to conclusions and actions.
5. When in doubt, leave it out
6. Work out a system of values. one cant make decision without an ethical framework.
************************************************************************************
The people in general differ in two ways: in the content of the P-A-C and in their functioning. There are two kinds of functional problems; contamination and exclusion.
The idea is to keep the three parts separate else there is going to be trouble. When they are not separate then it is called the contamination of the adult. If the parent overlaps the adult then the prejudices creep in and when it is overlapped by the child then raw feelings take over. The parent represents fixed notions and dogmas. child represents bare feelings which have to be kept under restrain.
Another problem is exclusion. In this One of the part is blocked out. for eg if the child is blocked out then the person would be without feelings always busy doing his work.
This is "the person who cannot play"
Parent blocked out - The person without conscience
The adult blocked out- The parent and child take over and control.
The author brings to focus the fact that during teh age of initial 2 years, the adult in a child is working out the system of cause and effect. And if at this crucial time if there are overwhelming inconsistencies and contradictions, the child may give up on an intellectual aberration of causality and may regard as to what happens to him as a matter of time rather than as a relation of objects aorund him.
Parents were dull - The constant bore person
************************************************************************************
There are six possible ways in which the people in general structure time and relationships.
withdrawal - thinking of some other event somewhere else
rituals- social thing where many poeple agree to do the same thing
activity- is anything that a person does to keep himself busy like job, making a house etc
pastime - ways of idling away time
Games- a game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well defined, predictable outcome. All games are based on "Mine is better than yours" One of the typical games the author describes is:
A: why dont you?
B: Yes, But.... and the discussion continues until A relents.
The last one as that of 'intimacy' is different from rest of the five in the way that it is based upon the acceptance by the involved people of the position "I am Ok and U are Ok". it rests on Love and other time structuring mechanisms become unnecessary.
Games are nearly always destructive. Withdrawal can be a relaxed form of solitary contemplation. Pastimes can be a pleasant way of idling away time. Rituals can be fun like celebrating Bday parties. Avtivities are necessities and care shuld be taken whether one is into too much of it to get away from other relationships.
************************************************************************************
In further chapters author has analysed the P-C-A in different forms and manifestations like that in a teenager in marriage life. To recapitulate the whole idea, he has proposed to take the adult the charge every time one feels that the child or the parent characterstics are taking over.
This is the best way to diffuse tensions both with in and with out.
posted by Abhinav at 11:47 PM
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